How Much Can You Control Your Kids’ Lives from the Grave?

You want the best for your children, and you want them to inherit your assets when you die. But what happens when you don’t like your son- or-daughter-in-law? How can you prevent your kids’ inheritance money from being commingled with the couple’s marital assets? Can you still exert control from the grave?  Should you?

In short, you can, by establishing a trust that prevents assets from passing directly to your child, which prevents the commingling of assets. And in the event one of your kids gets divorced, this trust may preserve these assets from being considered available for alimony obligations. Such a trust is designed to keep money in the family, protecting the inheritance of your children and their descendants. Specifically, assets in the trust can only be used for your children’s or grandchildren’s health, education, maintenance, or support.

Evaluate Your Motives

You may actually be surprised at the number of people who sit in our conference room and want to block their in-laws from touching the family inheritance. The first thing we do is encourage them to evaluate their motives. Is your distrust of a son-or-daughter-in-law based on your knowledge that your son or daughter’s spouse is a spendthrift, gambles, has difficulty holding a job, or treats your child and their children abusively, or similar scenarios? In this case, a trust like this can work to safeguard your assets for your children.

But if your motives are based solely on your dislike, or a fear that your kids’ marriages will end in divorce like 50 percent of all marriages in the U.S. do, you may want to think twice. The logistics governing the administration of the trust can get thorny. For starters, best practice encourages appointing an independent Trustee to administer this trust. The result is that your children’s withdrawal rights may also be limited.

In the Name of Love

If there’s income your kids are entitled to get every year or a draw on principal, the trust requires that they must ask the Trustee’s permission for the money to be distributed. Bottom line, while you’ve created a buffer that prevents your in-law from getting to the money, you’re also making it difficult for your son or daughter to access their inheritance. Even though you’re doing this in the name of love, your kids have to penetrate this barrier you created by going to the Trustee to get monies.

And aside from the inconvenience, what does that mean for your kids? How are they going to feel about that? How will they ultimately feel about you? You may not like your son or daughter in law, but your son or daughter may adore them. And despite what you think, they might have a very good marriage. Your feelings could actually throw a monkey wrench or certainly elements of mistrust into a good marriage. Additionally, even if your kids have to ask permission to get the money, distributions made by the Trustee may well be commingled anyway. So, you can never fully control the way your inheritance money is used. You can only make it harder.

Discuss Inheritance Decisions With Your Attorney

At the end of the day, you may not be the best one to decide whether or not inheritance money should be commingled with your kids’ marital moneys. Every situation is different. When you work with one of our attorneys at Phelan, Frantz, Ohlig, and Wegbreit, LLC, you can rest assured we will make sure you evaluate all the ramifications of your decision-making before you finalize your estate plan. We will also make sure you review your plan every 5 years or so, to make sure that it’s consistent with your perspective and the inevitable changes in your family situation.

Calls us at 908-232-2244 to ensure that the decisions you make today will work well for your loved ones tomorrow.